Imagine spending the first year and a half of your life believing you and your mom are the same person.
No separation, no distinction — just one unified being moving through the world together.
Sounds like something out of a sci-fi novel, right?
But for babies, this is reality!
From birth to about 18 months, infants experience a magical phase of development where they see no boundary between themselves and their mothers.
The First 18 Months: One Heart, One Mind
Newborns come into the world with an instinct to attach, and for good reason — mom is their lifeline.
Her voice, her scent, her heartbeat are all deeply familiar.
In these early months, a baby doesn’t just feel close to their mother; they are her, at least in their own little minds.
In psychology, this concept is linked to what’s called symbiosis, a stage where babies don’t yet recognize themselves as separate beings.
When a baby cries and mom picks them up, feeds them, or soothes them, they experience it as something happening within their own existence — like an extension of themselves responding to their needs.
This period is crucial for emotional and cognitive development, as babies rely on their primary caregivers to shape their understanding of safety and comfort.
The way a mother responds to her baby’s needs helps to build the foundation for future social interactions, self-regulation, and attachment styles that persist throughout life.
A Baby’s Special Connection
Think about it : if you believed someone else was just another version of you, you’d expect them to anticipate your every need.
This is exactly why babies cry so insistently.
They don’t think they are asking for help; they assume their needs are their mother’s needs too.
This intense bond lays the foundation for emotional security and trust, shaping how they relate to others for the rest of their lives.
How Babies Feel When Mom Isn’t Around
When a baby who believes they are one with their mother suddenly finds themselves without her, it is distressing.
In the early months, separation triggers intense emotions, as the baby has not yet developed the cognitive ability to understand that mom will return.
This can result in heightened crying, fussiness, and seeking comfort in familiar objects or caregivers.
As they grow, babies gradually begin to grasp the concept of object permanence — the understanding that things and people exist even when they are out of sight.
This usually develops around 8-12 months, but until then, a baby may feel abandoned when mom leaves the room, leading to separation anxiety.
During this stage, babies may cling more, cry when their mother is out of sight, or have difficulty sleeping.
They rely on consistent reassurance, comforting routines, and transitional objects like a favorite blanket or stuffed animal to help them cope with separation.
The Moment of Realization: “Wait… We’re Separate?”
Around 18 months, a fascinating shift happens.
Babies begin to understand that they are them and mom is mom.
This moment of self-awareness is both exciting and slightly shocking.
One of the clearest signs of this transition?
The discovery of the word “NO!”
As they realize their independence, they start testing boundaries— asserting their own identity, making choices, and developing their unique personality.
This is why toddlers start insisting on doing things their way, even if it means attempting to put on shoes upside-down or refusing to eat anything that isn’t shaped like a dinosaur.
This newfound independence is a natural part of cognitive and emotional growth, as it marks the beginning of self-identity formation.
It is also a crucial time for parents to balance offering freedom while maintaining boundaries to ensure their child feels secure in exploring their independence.
The Lasting Impact of Early Attachment
The way a baby experiences their first relationships has long-term effects on their emotional resilience and social skills.
Securely attached babies tend to grow into confident, empathetic individuals who can form strong, trusting relationships.
On the other hand, inconsistent or neglectful caregiving can contribute to attachment issues, leading to emotional challenges later in life.
As babies grow, the secure foundation built through these early months helps them navigate the world with confidence.
They learn to trust others, regulate their emotions, and engage in healthy social interactions, all of which stem from the bond formed in infancy.
Why This Matters for Parents
Understanding this phase can be incredibly reassuring for parents navigating the newborn stage.
Parents play a vital role in shaping their child’s emotional foundation.
The love, patience, and consistency provided during this time create a strong attachment that supports a child’s growth, even when challenges arise.
Final Thoughts: Cherish the Oneness
For those first precious months, you are your baby’s entire universe.
They don’t just love you; they are you.
And while that oneness eventually fades into a separate, unique bond, the love and security you build during this time last a lifetime.
You are the most natural, comforting, and familiar part of existence.
And that’s pretty magical.
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