Auteur: Marijn Jorissen

Growing up with a narcissistic parent isn’t just challenging — it’s an emotional obstacle course filled with manipulation, guilt, and confusion.

One of the biggest hurdles?

Learning how to say “no.”

For many adult children of narcissists, this tiny, two-letter word feels impossible to utter.

Instead, they default to people-pleasing, often at the cost of their own well-being.

But why is saying no so hard?

And how can those affected by narcissistic parenting break free from this exhausting cycle?

Let’s dive into the psychology behind the people-pleasing curse, uncover its deep-rooted effects, and explore strategies to reclaim personal boundaries and authentic self-expression.

Why Kids of Narcissists Become People-Pleasers

Narcissistic parents condition their children to prioritize the parent’s needs above all else.

This happens in several ways :

1. Conditional Love: Love and approval are given only when the child meets the parent’s expectations. As a result, the child learns that saying yes equals love, while saying no risks rejection and emotional withdrawal.
2. Fear of Retaliation: Narcissistic parents don’t take “no” well. Disagreeing or setting boundaries can lead to guilt trips, silent treatment, or outright rage. Over time, children internalize the belief that saying no isn’t worth the backlash and that keeping the peace at their own expense is necessary.
3. Role Reversal: Instead of receiving care and validation, the child becomes the caregiver — constantly catering to the parent’s emotional needs. This “parentification” reinforces the idea that their worth is tied to how much they do for others rather than who they truly are.
4. Hyper-Vigilance: Growing up in a narcissistic home means walking on eggshells. Kids become experts at anticipating their parent’s moods and avoiding conflict, which often means agreeing to everything just to maintain peace and prevent emotional outbursts.
5. Lack of Autonomy: Because narcissistic parents often dictate every aspect of their children’s lives, these kids grow up without a strong sense of personal agency. Their desires, preferences, and boundaries are overlooked or dismissed, leaving them unsure of how to advocate for themselves.

The Fallout: How People-Pleasing Affects Adulthood

When kids of narcissists grow up, their people-pleasing habits don’t magically disappear.

Instead, they manifest in various aspects of life, often leading to exhaustion, resentment, and a loss of self-identity:

• At Work: They take on extra tasks to avoid disappointing bosses or colleagues, often leading to burnout. They may struggle to advocate for fair compensation or promotions, fearing they will be seen as demanding.
• In Romantic Relationships: They struggle to express their needs, fearing abandonment or disapproval from their partner. Many end up in codependent relationships where they sacrifice their well-being for the sake of keeping the relationship intact.
• With Friends and Family: They feel guilty for setting boundaries, even when necessary. They may say yes to social events they don’t want to attend or continue toxic family relationships out of obligation.
• With Themselves: They suppress their own desires, often not even knowing what they truly want. They may struggle with decision-making, constantly seeking validation from others to determine their next move.

The Emotional Toll of Chronic People-Pleasing

Being a lifelong people-pleaser can lead to :

• Anxiety and Depression: Constantly prioritizing others over yourself is draining and can lead to deep emotional distress.
• Chronic Stress and Burnout: Feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness leads to exhaustion and health issues.
• Resentment and Frustration: Over time, saying yes when you mean no builds up resentment, often toward both others and yourself.
• Lack of Authenticity: Always molding yourself to fit others’ expectations prevents you from developing a true sense of self.
• Poor Self-Worth: Constantly putting others first reinforces the belief that your needs don’t matter, leading to low self-esteem and difficulty advocating for yourself.

Breaking Free: How to Overcome the People-Pleasing Curse

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry — breaking the cycle is possible! Here’s how:

1. Start Small: Saying no doesn’t have to be dramatic. Begin with low-stakes situations, like declining a favor when you’re overwhelmed or choosing where to eat without deferring to others.
2. Reframe Guilt: Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re breaking an old pattern. Let guilt be a sign of growth, not a signal to backtrack.
3. Check Your Inner Dialogue: If you catch yourself thinking, “They’ll hate me if I say no,” challenge that thought. Would you resent someone for setting a boundary? Probably not. Healthy relationships respect mutual needs and limits.
4. Practice Assertiveness: Use phrases like “I can’t commit to that right now” or “That doesn’t work for me.” No need to over-explain or apologize excessively. A simple and firm “no” is enough.
5. Recognize Your Worth: You are valuable even when you’re not bending over backward for others. Your needs and desires matter just as much as anyone else’s.
6. Heal Your Inner Child: Many people-pleasers operate from a wounded child mindset. Reparenting yourself—giving yourself the love, validation, and boundaries you never received—can be a powerful step toward healing.
7. Seek Support: Therapy, support groups, or even talking to a trusted friend can help reinforce these changes and keep you accountable. Sometimes, having someone remind you that it’s okay to say no can make a world of difference.
8. Set Boundaries and Enforce Them: Establish clear personal limits and hold firm when challenged. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re necessary for healthy relationships.
9. Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Seek out relationships that respect your autonomy and uplift your growth. If someone only values you for your compliance, reconsider their place in your life.
10. Rediscover Your Identity: Take time to explore your own interests, hobbies, and passions. The more you understand who you are outside of pleasing others, the stronger your sense of self will become.

Final Thoughts

Saying no is an act of self-care, not selfishness.

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, breaking free from people-pleasing may feel uncomfortable at first — but remember, discomfort is a sign of growth.

By setting boundaries, you’re not just protecting your energy; you’re reclaiming your voice and rewriting the narrative you were given.

You don’t have to be everything for everyone.

You deserve to live a life that aligns with your needs, values, and happiness.

So next time you’re tempted to say yes out of fear or obligation, pause and ask yourself: What do I really want?

The answer might surprise you — and that’s okay.

You deserve to prioritize yourself, too.

Your worth is not determined by how much you do for others.

It’s time to break the curse and step into your own power.

The more you practice saying no, the more you’ll realize that the people who truly care about you will respect your boundaries.

And the best part?

You’ll finally start living for you.

Are you constantly saying “yes” when you really mean “no”?

Do you put everyone else’s needs before your own?

If so, you might be a people pleaser — but you’re not alone!

Many have walked this path and successfully reclaimed their time, boundaries, and self-worth.

Below, you’ll find testimonials from real people who broke free from the cycle and never looked back.

Their stories are honest, hilarious, and inspiring!

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“I Used to Be a Human Apology Machine” – Rachel, 32

For years, I apologized for everything — someone bumped into me? “Oh, sorry!”

A waiter brought me the wrong order? “It’s okay, I’ll eat it!”

My breakthrough came when a friend said, “Why do you keep saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault?”

I had no answer.

Now, I practice what I call “Apology Detox” — I only say sorry when I actually mess up.

I feel lighter, more confident, and — shockingly — no one is mad at me for it!

I’ve also noticed that people take me more seriously now that I don’t constantly undermine myself with unnecessary apologies.

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“I Was Everyone’s Emergency Contact (and It Was Exhausting)” – Jake, 28

Need a ride to the airport at 4 AM? Call Jake.

Need someone to cover your shift last minute? Jake’s got it.

I was basically the human equivalent of 911, but for avoidable problems.

It took a near-burnout for me to realize that helping others shouldn’t come at the cost of my own well-being.

Now, I have a simple rule: If it’s a real emergency, I’m there.

If it’s just poor planning on someone else’s part? Nope!

It’s amazing how quickly people learn to manage their own stuff when you stop being their safety net.

I finally have time for my own hobbies, and my stress levels have plummeted.

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“I Fired Myself as the ‘Nice One’” – Priya, 35

I used to believe my worth was tied to being liked.

I was the friend who always sent thoughtful texts, remembered birthdays, and went out of my way to make everyone comfortable.

But one day, I realized: No one was putting in the same effort for me.

So, I did a radical thing — I stopped over-giving.

Guess what?

The real friends stuck around, and the ones who only liked me for what I did for them?

They faded away.

Best. Decision. Ever.

Now, I put my energy into relationships that are reciprocal, and I feel valued instead of drained.

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“My Boundary Game Went from Weak to Unbreakable” – Carlos, 40

I used to think setting boundaries made me selfish.

If someone asked me for a favor, I said yes — even when I didn’t have the time or energy.

One day, my therapist asked, “What would happen if you just said no?”

The idea terrified me, but I tried it.

Turns out, nothing bad happened — no one disowned me, and I actually gained respect.

Now, I have a favorite new word: “No.”

It’s a full sentence, and it’s changed my life.

I’ve learned that my time is valuable, and saying no has allowed me to focus on my own personal growth and happiness.

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“I Quit Being a ‘Yes’ Robot” – Emily, 29

I said yes to everything, even when it made my schedule a nightmare.

Need help moving? Sure.

Need me to plan your party? Of course.

One day, I had to decline a request, and my friend’s response shocked me: “Oh wow, I didn’t think you ever said no.”

That was my wake-up call!

Now, I say yes to things that align with my values and energy level.

The result?

I have way more time for myself, and I no longer resent helping others!

I also feel more in control of my life instead of being at everyone’s beck and call.

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“From Over-Explainer to Self-Assured” – Liam, 33

Whenever I said no, I felt the need to give a five-minute explanation about why I couldn’t do something.

“I’m so sorry, but I have this thing, and also I don’t feel great, and maybe I can do it another time…”

It was exhausting!

Now, I keep it simple: “I can’t.”

No excuses, no long-winded justifications.

People actually respect it more, and I feel way more in control of my own life.

The best part?

I no longer feel guilty for prioritizing my own well-being over someone else’s expectations.

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“I Stopped Accepting the Bare Minimum” – Olivia, 37

In relationships, I always accepted less than I deserved because I thought I had to “earn” love by being the perfect partner.

I’d overextend myself while settling for crumbs in return.

Then, I had an epiphany: I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone.

Now, I only invest in relationships that feel equal.

And let me tell you — the confidence boost is unreal!

I finally feel secure in knowing that I am worthy of love and respect without having to bend over backward for it.

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Final Thoughts:

If you’re tired of over-committing, over-apologizing, and over-giving, take inspiration from these stories.

Becoming your own priority isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

Are you ready to reclaim your time, energy, and peace of mind?

Share your experiences in the comments below!

Introduction

Being a mother is a full-time job in itself, and setting boundaries is crucial to maintaining our sanity and well-being.

As a mother of four, I understand the challenges of juggling the needs of our children, partners, households, and ourselves.

In this blog post, we will explore the importance of boundaries, how to set them effectively, and practical tips for busy moms to implement boundaries in their daily lives.

The Importance of Boundaries

1. Self-Care

As moms, we often prioritize the needs of our family over our own well-being.

Setting boundaries allows us to carve out time for self-care, whether it’s taking a long bath, reading a book, or going for a walk.

By setting aside time for ourselves, we can recharge and be better equipped to handle the demands of motherhood.

2. Healthy Relationships

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships with our children, partners, and friends.

By clearly communicating our needs and expectations, we can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.

Setting boundaries also teaches our children the importance of respecting others’ boundaries, which is a valuable lesson for their future relationships.

How to Set Boundaries

1. Identify Your Needs

The first step in setting boundaries is to identify your needs and priorities.

What activities or responsibilities drain your energy?

What do you need to feel supported and balanced?

Take some time to reflect on these questions and jot down your thoughts.

2. Communicate Effectively

Once you have identified your needs, it’s important to communicate them clearly and assertively.

Use “I” statements to express your feelings and set boundaries without blaming or accusing others.

For example, instead of saying, “You never help with the kids,” try saying, “I need more support with the kids to feel less overwhelmed.”

3. Be Consistent

Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries.

Stick to your boundaries and don’t back down, even if others push back or try to guilt-trip you.

By being consistent, you show others that you value your needs and expect them to be respected.

Practical Tips for Busy Moms

1. Schedule “Me Time”

Block off time in your schedule for self-care activities that recharge you, whether it’s a yoga class, a coffee date with a friend, or a bubble bath.

Treat this time as non-negotiable and prioritize it just like you would any other appointment.

2. Delegate Responsibilities

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and delegate tasks to your partner, children, or other family members.

Setting boundaries around household responsibilities can prevent burnout and create a more balanced family dynamic.

3. Say No Without Guilt

Learn to say no to activities or requests that don’t align with your priorities or values.

Saying no is not selfish; it’s a way of honoring your boundaries and protecting your time and energy.

Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Conclusion

Setting boundaries as a busy mom is essential for maintaining your well-being and preserving healthy relationships with your loved ones.

By identifying your needs, communicating effectively, and being consistent, you can establish boundaries that support your physical, emotional, and mental health.

Self-care is not selfish, and saying no is not a sign of weakness.

Embrace the power of boundaries and create a life that honors your needs and priorities.