How to Trust When Your Parents Weren’t Trustworthy

Growing up with parents who weren’t exactly the gold standard of reliability can leave you with some serious trust issues.

Maybe they broke promises like they were going out of style, manipulated situations for their own benefit, or just plain let you down — repeatedly.

Whatever the case, it’s left you wary of letting people in.

And honestly? That makes sense.

But here’s the thing : carrying that mistrust into adulthood like an emotional security blanket isn’t doing you any favors.

Sure, it keeps the heartbreak at bay, but it also locks you out of real, meaningful connections.

So, how do you start trusting people when your earliest experiences with trust were more horror story than fairy tale?

1. Accept That Your Parents Weren’t the Blueprint for Everyone

First things first : just because your parents couldn’t be trusted doesn’t mean the rest of the world is out to get you.

It’s easy to generalize and assume everyone will hurt you in the same way, but people come in all shades of trustworthy.

Give yourself permission to believe that not everyone is playing by the same toxic rulebook your parents did.

Take a look around — have you ever had a teacher, a mentor, a friend, or even a kind stranger who showed you reliability?

These small moments prove that trustworthiness exists outside of what you grew up with.

Your past does not define your future relationships unless you let it.

2. Trust Yourself First

If your foundation of trust was shaky growing up, you might not even trust your own judgment.

That’s where you start.

Get in tune with your gut instincts.

Set boundaries.

Hold yourself accountable.

When you trust yourself to make good decisions, it becomes easier to trust others (or spot the ones you shouldn’t).

One way to build self-trust is by making and keeping promises to yourself.

Set small goals, like waking up at a certain time, following through on a workout plan, or sticking to a personal project.

Each time you prove to yourself that you can be reliable, you strengthen your ability to trust not only yourself but also others.

3. Test the Waters

You don’t have to dive into the deep end of trust.

Start small.

Share something minor with a new friend and see how they handle it.

Do they keep it private, or does your personal story suddenly become public knowledge?

The right people will show you they’re worth trusting over time — no rush required.

Think of trust like a bank account.

Small deposits over time build a solid balance.

Someone who consistently shows up, keeps their word, and respects your boundaries earns their place in your circle.

If they bounce checks (a.k.a. break trust), you’ll know it’s time to withdraw.

4. Don’t Ignore Red Flags

Your past might have made you hyper-aware of warning signs, and guess what?

That’s not a bad thing.

The trick is to differentiate between genuine red flags and the knee-jerk fear of being let down.

If someone is consistently unreliable, manipulative, or dismissive of your feelings, trust yourself enough to walk away.

Some red flags to watch for :

• They always have an excuse for breaking promises.
• They twist the truth to make themselves look better.
• They minimize your feelings when you express concern.
• They push your boundaries and then act like you’re overreacting.

Your ability to spot these behaviors is a strength, not a burden.

Use it wisely.

5. Give People a Fair Chance

This is the tough part.

If you go into every relationship assuming the worst, you might create exactly what you fear — distance and disconnection.

Instead of expecting betrayal, try approaching people with cautious optimism.

Let them prove themselves instead of assuming they’ll fail.

When meeting new people, remind yourself : “This person is not my parents. They have their own story, their own values, and their own way of relating to others.”

Give them space to show who they truly are before jumping to conclusions.

6. Surround Yourself With Healthy Relationships

One of the best ways to heal from broken trust is to experience relationships where trust is strong.

Seek out friendships and partnerships that are built on honesty, respect, and consistency.

These relationships become proof that trust is possible, even if it wasn’t something you were given freely in the past.

Join communities that align with your interests, whether that’s a book club, a fitness group, or an online support network.

Being around people who genuinely care and show up for you can help rewrite the narrative that “no one can be trusted.”

7. Rewrite Your Story

You are not doomed to repeat the patterns of your parents.

You can break the cycle.

Find role models who embody the kind of trust you want in your life.

Build friendships and relationships based on mutual respect.

It might take time, but rewriting your story is entirely possible —and worth it.

Therapy can also be a powerful tool.

If you find that trust issues are deeply impacting your relationships and mental well-being, talking to a professional can help you process past wounds and develop healthier ways to connect with others.

Final Thoughts : The Right People Exist

Yes, your parents may have let you down, and yes, that sucks.

But letting that define your ability to trust means they’re still controlling your life.

And you? You deserve better.

Not everyone is trustworthy, but plenty of people are.

When you’re ready, let them in — one step at a time.

Because trust isn’t about blind faith; it’s about choosing wisely and believing in your ability to navigate relationships in a way that serves you.

And that? That’s power.

Your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define you.

You have the ability to build a life full of trust, love, and connection— on your terms.

The choice to trust again is yours, and when you make it, you reclaim your future.